A Roman walks into a bar, holds up two fingers, and says, “Five beers, please”.
I know I've been married too long. Last week I went to the doctor. He asked: "Have you had sex in the last seven days?" And I said: "No, my birthday's in April."
What's the difference between pink and purple?
The grip!
Cop: "Are you a natural blonde?" Blonde: "Yeah."
Tosses his ticket book, starts pulling down his zipper
Blonde: "Oh, no, not another Breathalyzer test."
