Three blonde men are stranded on one side of a wide river, and don't know how to get across.
The first man prays to God to make him smart enough to figure out how to cross the river. So God turns him into a brown-haired man and he swims across.
The second man prays to God to make him even smarter. So God turns him into a dark-haired man and he builds a boat and rows across.
Then the third man prays to God to make him the smartest of all. So God turns him into a woman and she walks across the bridge.
A husband comes home from work one night and his wife asks him if he could fix the washing machine. He looked at her and said: "What do I look like, the Maytag repair man?" Then he grabbed a beer and plopped down on the couch.
The next night he came home from work and his wife asked him if he could fix the car. He looked at her again and said: "What do I look like, Mr. Goodwrench?" And to the couch he went, beer in hand.
On the third night he gets home and the wife tells him: "Honey, you know that nice Mr. Johnson next door? Well today he came by and fixed the washing machine. Then he checked out the car, did a little work on that, and now it's running perfectly."
The husband rolls his eyes and says: "Great. How much did that cost?"
The wife says: "Nothing really. He said he'd do it all if I baked him a cake or gave him a blowjob."
The husband asked: "So what kind of cake did you bake him?"
And the wife shot back: "What do I lool like, Betty Crocker?"
The other day my wife and I were golfing when she suddenly asked, "Honey, if I died would you get married again?" I told her, "No sweetie" but she shot right back with "Oh I'm sure you would." So to keep the peace I said "Okay, I would." Then she asked, "Would you let her sleep in our bed?" and not knowing where this was going I told her, "Yeah... I guess so."
Finally she asked me, "Would you let her use my golf clubs?" and I told her, "No, she's left handed."
