What do you do when you see your husband staggering in the back yard?
Shoot him again.
What do you call a guy who cries when he masturbates?
A tearjerker.
Old guy calls a plumber. "There's a leak over my kitchen table."
The plumber asks him "When did you first notice it?"
"After it took me two hours to finish my soup last night."
My wife saw a Craigslist ad where a guy was offering to swap his wife for a season ticket to the stadium. She looked at me and asked: "Would you swap me for a season ticket?"
"Absolutely not," I told her. "The season's more than half over!"
And that's when the fight started...
