How do you know when your cat's done cleaning himself?
He's smoking a cigarette.
"Mom I tied the knot."
"Great. Now kick out the chair he's standing on & you're finally rid of the jerk."
What's a Turkeys favorite song?
"I'm Dreaming of a White Christmas"
What do you get when you cross a whore with a systems engineer?
A fuckin know-it-all!
