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It Takes Two

Category: And that's when the fight started...
Published: 21 February 2017
Hits: 2383

I asked my wife what she thought my two greatest assets were?

She said: "A closed mouth and an open wallet."

And that's when the fight started...

Learn To Drive

Category: Dick Jokes
Published: 20 February 2017
Hits: 3047

Why are men like cars?

Because they always pull out before they check to see if anyone else is coming.

Look It Up

Category: Dick Jokes
Published: 19 February 2017
Hits: 2641

A koala bear walks into a bar. He asks the bartender how he can get a little action for the night. The bartender points to a cute little trick at the end of the bar. So the koala bear walks up to her and in a few minutes they're heading to her place. When they get they're the koala bear immediately goes down on her. After a few minutes he jumps up and splits.

The next night, the woman spots the koala bear at the bar again and confronts him saying: "You owe me money!" "For what?" the koala asks. The woman rolls her eyes and tells him, "I'm a prostitute." The koala bear pulls out a dictionary and looks it up: "Prostitute: Has sex for money." The koala says, "I don't owe you a thing. I'm a koala bear. Look it up." Before she can protest the koala hands her the dictionary.

The woman looks up "koala bear" and reads, "Koala bear: Eats bush and leaves.”

You Make The Call

Category: Just Plain Funny
Published: 18 February 2017
Hits: 2734

Man talks dirty to a woman? That's sexual harassment.

Woman talks dirty to a man? That's $1.99 a minute.

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Don't Miss These Jokes!

A Musician

What do you call a musician with no girlfriend?

Homeless.

Sexting

I woke up this morning with a text that seemed to have been sent to me by accident. It read,

"Hi... be home soon. Love ya, Dave xxx"

Being Valentine's Day I thought I'd have a bit of fun so I texted the guy back:

"Don't bother, I don't love you. You're a son of a bitch and  I've been banging your brother."

I couldn't wait for the reply, then it came:

"You OK mom?"

It's Party Time

A man goes to a fancy costume party wearing only a glass jar on his dick. A woman asks, "So what are you?" He tells her, "I'm a fireman." "But you're only wearing a glass jar" she replies.

"Exactly! In an emergency, break glass, pull knob, and I'll come as fast as I can!"

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