A laugh a day. It's not hard. Seriously.

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Every Frickin' Joke

It Takes Two

Category: And that's when the fight started...
Hits: 2243

I asked my wife what she thought my two greatest assets were?

She said: "A closed mouth and an open wallet."

And that's when the fight started...

Learn To Drive

Category: Dick Jokes
Hits: 2878

Why are men like cars?

Because they always pull out before they check to see if anyone else is coming.

Look It Up

Category: Dick Jokes
Hits: 2494

A koala bear walks into a bar. He asks the bartender how he can get a little action for the night. The bartender points to a cute little trick at the end of the bar. So the koala bear walks up to her and in a few minutes they're heading to her place. When they get they're the koala bear immediately goes down on her. After a few minutes he jumps up and splits.

The next night, the woman spots the koala bear at the bar again and confronts him saying: "You owe me money!" "For what?" the koala asks. The woman rolls her eyes and tells him, "I'm a prostitute." The koala bear pulls out a dictionary and looks it up: "Prostitute: Has sex for money." The koala says, "I don't owe you a thing. I'm a koala bear. Look it up." Before she can protest the koala hands her the dictionary.

The woman looks up "koala bear" and reads, "Koala bear: Eats bush and leaves.”

You Make The Call

Category: Just Plain Funny
Hits: 2580

Man talks dirty to a woman? That's sexual harassment.

Woman talks dirty to a man? That's $1.99 a minute.

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Don't Miss These Jokes!

A Lucky Valentines Day

Last year, on Valentine's Day, my fiancée of five years bought me a lottery ticket and I won $10 Million!!

I wonder what she's doing nowadays?

The Bigger The Better

A guy gets a job as a salesman at a dildo store. First day a brunette walks in and asks: "How much for the black dildo?" He tells her: "$50 for the black one, $50 for the white one." She leaves without buying anything. Then a redhead walks in and asks him: "How much for the white dildo?" He replies" "$50 for the white one, $50 for the black one." She doesn't buy anything either.

Finally a blonde walks in and asks him" "How much for a dildo?" He answers: "$50 for a black one, $50 for a white one." Then she points and asks: "How much for the plaid one on the shelf behind you?" He says" "Oh that's a very special one, that's $250." She buys it.

At closing, the manager asks the guy: "So how much did you sell today?" The man tells him: "No dildos. But I did sell your old thermos for $250."

Roll Call

Every morning the teacher took roll call by having her students stand up and recite a short poem. The first to go sat in the front row and was the teacher's pet. He stood and said, "My name is Dan. When I grow up to be a man, I want to go to Japan... if I can, and I think I can."

Next up was a little girl who sat in the middle of the room. She stood and answered roll call by reciting, "My name is Suzy. When I become a lady, I would like to have a baby... if I can, and I think I can."

Finally it was Little Johnny's turn, a wise guy who sat way in the back of the room. He stood up and said, "My name is Johnny, and I don't give a crap about Japan. But I'd sure like to help Suzy with her plan... if I can, and you bet your sweet ass I can!"