Why are men like cars?
Because they always pull out before they check to see if anyone else is coming.
What do you call a hooker with a runny nose?
Full.
What is a man's view of safe sex?
A padded headboard.
When we first started dating I wanted to show my girfriend I was serious. So I changed my Facebook status to "in a relationship."
When I told her she said: "It should've been changd to 'under new management!'"
And that's when the fight started...
