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Dick Jokes

DJoke400X311

The Dick Joke
High art... from a low place.

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Two guys were talkin' at the bar. The first one told his buddy: "My daughter has reached that age where she is asking embarrassing questions about sex. Just this morning she asked, 'Is that the best you can do?'"

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The teacher asked the class to use the word indefinitely in a sentence?

Little Johnny raised his hand and said: "When your balls are slapping on the cheeks of her ass, you're in definitely."

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You ever been by a place and thought "Man, if I went in there, I know I'd get laid." I get that feeling all the time - I live near a prison.

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How To Score

A guy takes a girl out to dinner for their 1st date. She orders shrimp cocktail, filet mignon - medium rare, a loaded baked potato, the vegetable medley, and crème brulee' for desert. Then before the waiter leaves she adds a bottle of expensive wine.

The guy looks at her and says, "Does your mother feed you like that?"

She says, "No... but my mother's not looking to fuck me."

Her Life Matters

Working in the garage this morning my wife barges in nagging about not showing her any respect. She demands I recognize her life has value too.
So I pick her up, give her a big hug and dump her in the recycle bin.
And that's when the fight started...

One Difference Between Men And Women

My wife and I were discussing the differences between men and women. She asked: "So what do you think the biggest difference is?"

I told her: "What comes to mind when I say I'd like to give you a facial!"

And that's when the fight started...