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Dick Jokes

DJoke400X311

The Dick Joke
High art... from a low place.

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Pinnochio tells his Dad that whenever he has sex with a girl, she complains about the splinters. His father gives him a piece of sand paper and tells him to rub his dick with it before sex and it should solve the problem.

A few days later, his father asks: "How are things going with the girls?" Pinocchio tells him: "Girls... who needs girls?"

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My girlfriend thought I had a small penis.

I thought she was just shallow.

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I want you to know I'm famous for more than just this website. My dick was in the Guiness Book of World Records.

Until the librarian kicked me out.

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Don't Miss These Jokes!

Is Delivery Included?

My wife will buy anything marked down. Last year she bought an escalator.

(With thanks to the great Henny Youngman.)

Just Doesn't Measure Up

My wife and I were on a road trip and I asked her to help navigate, So of course she couldn't quite figure out how to use the map. Frustrated I asked her, "Why can't women read maps?"

She snapped back, "Because only a man can relate to the concept of 1 inch equals a mile."

And that's when the fight started...

Stay wood boy

How did Pinocchio find out he was made out of wood?

His hand caught fire.