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Why is a drunk at a massage parlor like a bumper sticker?

No matter how you pull it they're hard to get off.

Old guy says: "Doc, every morning at 7 I take a healthy piss, and then at 8 I take a big shit."

"So... what's the problem?"

"I don't get up until 9."

Jerk off with hand sanitizer... do you still wash your hands when you're done? (Just askin' for a friend)

What do all the female reindeer do when santa is busy working with the males on christmas eve?

Go into town and blow a couple of bucks!