What do you call a woman who can suck a lemon through a 40-foot garden hose.
Darling.
A woman at the Pearly Gates asks St. Peter, "Is my husband here? My name is Johnson." St. Peter says, "Well, that's not enough information."
She says, "OK... his name is Dick Johnson and he told me that after he died, if I was ever unfaithful, he'd roll over in his grave."
St. Peter says, "Oh .. you mean Pinwheel Johnson!"
How do you get four old ladies to shout "Fuck"?
Get a fifth old lady to shout "Bingo!"
A guy walks into a bar, orders 12 shots & starts drinking them as fast as he can. The bartender asks, "Dang, why are you drinking so fast?"
The guy says, "You would be drinking fast, too, if you had what I had." The bartender asks, "What do you have?"
The guy says, "75 cents."