What do you do if your girlfriend starts smoking?
Slow down and use some lubricant.
How does a redneck girl practice safe sex?
She locks the doors on her pickup truck.
I told my wife: "Honey, I don't like how you look with the new glasses on." She said: "Sweetheart, I don't wear any glasses."
I said: "Yeah, but I do."
And that's when the fight started...
A lady goes golfing and gets hit in the ass really hard with a golf ball. She goes to the doctor.
The doctor says, "Where were you hit?" She says, "Between the first and the second hole."
He says, "That doesn't leave alot of room for a band-aid, does it?"
