What do you call a woman with her tongue sticking out?
A lesbian with a hard-on.
My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming anniversary.
She said, 'I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 200 in about 3 seconds."
So I bought her a scale.
And that's when the fight started...
How do you know when you are getting old?
When you start having dry dreams and wet farts.
Why don't blind people skydive?
It scares the shit out of their dogs!
