Biggest Turkey You Got

A lady was looking for a turkey but couldn't find one big enough. She asked the stock boy, "Do these turkeys get any bigger?"

The stock boy replied, "No. They're dead."

Old guy says: "Doc, every morning at 7 I take a healthy piss, and then at 8 I take a big shit."

"So... what's the problem?"

"I don't get up until 9."

A guy was complaining to his buddy that his new girlfriend was really kinky. His friend asked him: "How so?"

"Well" came the answer, "All she wants me to do is screw her in the ear." "In the ear? Wow. That is weird," his buddy remarked.

"Yeah," the guy continued. "Every time I go to stick my dick in her mouth, she turns her head."

What would you call a woman who always knows where her husband is?

A widow.