A woman is checking out in the grocery line. She places one apple, a small ready-made salad, a frozen dinner, and a pint of ice cream on the conveyor.
The guy ringing everything up smiles at her and says: "I'll bet your single." The woman looks back and asks: "How did you know, by my choice of food?."
A nun came to her Mother Superior and asked her to hear confession. "Today Father Johnson told me I had the gates of Heaven between my legs, and that he had the Key to Heaven. Then he opened my gates with his key."
"That bastard!" said Mother Superior. "He told me it was Gabriel's trumpet, and I've been blowing it."
One Friday afternoon two women are sitting on the front porch. The first woman says, "Here comes my husband with a bunch of flowers. That means I'll be on my back with my legs in the air all weekend."
The other woman asks, "Why, don't you have a vase?"
