How can you tell if a chick is too fat to screw?
You pull her pants down and her ass is still in 'em.
After weeks without gettin' any I got really pissed off and asked my wife: "What has two arms, two legs, two boobs & sucks?"
Before she could even think of a reply I told her: "You and a vacuum cleaner."
And that's when the fight started...
It's called St. Valentine's Day because "St. Blowjob for Jewelry Day" just didn't have the same ring to it.
My wife kinda had second thoughts about the first sex video I had talked her into making, so she said she wanted it back.
I said, "OK, but you'll have to pay twenty bucks, just like everybody else."
