More Reliable Than A Pulse

How do you know if your wife's dead?

You stick your dick in her mouth and she doesn't turn her head.

Why does a dog lick himself?

He can't make a fist.

How is a Jewish woman like a Thanksgiving turkey?

Her husband only gets to stuff her once a year.

How is a woman like a hurricane?

When they come, they're loud and wet, and when they leave, they take your house and car.