What do you call an Amish guy with his hand up a horse's ass?
A Mechanic.
Why is being in the military like a blowjob?
The closer you get to discharge, the better you feel.
The Dog's Rule Of Life: If you can't eat it or fuck it, piss on it.
A plane is about to crash. A woman stands up and yells, "If I'm going to die, I want to die feeling like a woman. Who's going to be man enough to do it?"
A large man stands up and rips his shirt off, "Here! Iron this!"
