What do you call an Amish guy with his hand up a horse's ass?
A Mechanic.
A Catholic boy in confession says, "Bless me Father, I have sinned, I masturbated while thinking about my sister."
"That's a disgrace," said the priest, "especially when you have two gorgeous brothers."
I was reminiscing with my wife about when we first got married, So I gave her a little nudge and asked: "Honey... what was the hardest thing for you on our honeymoon?"
She smiled at me and said: "Saying ouch like I meant it."
And that's when the fight started...
What do a tornado and a redneck divorce have in common?
As soon as you see it coming you know someone is going to lose a trailer.