How are a lawyer and a prostitute different?
The prostitute stops fucking you after you're dead.
A man goes to a $10 hooker and gets the crabs.
When he goes back to complain, the hooker laughs and says, "What do you expect for $10 -- lobster?"
What's the difference between a wife and the trash can sittin' in your garage?
You at least take the trash out once a week.
What is the main difference between the first and second honeymoon?
On the second honeymoon, the husband is the one sobbing, "It's way too big."
