A duck walks into a bar and asks the bartender, "Got any grapes?" The bartender says no, this is a bar not a grocery store." and sends him out.
The next day, the duck returns and again asks, "Got any grapes?" This time the bartender gets real mad and says. "I told you yesterday no grapes. And you're a duck. We don't even serve ducks here. You come in here and bother me one more time and I'll nail your fuckin' web feet to the floor." And with that he throws him out again.
The next day, the duck returns only this time he asks "Got any nails?" Confused, the bartender says "No."
Little Johnny is walking along and a priest is coming the other way. Johnny says, "Hey, mister, why are you wearin' your collar backwards?" The priest says, "Because I'm a father." Johnny says, "Yeah? Well, my old man's got three kids and he don't wear his collar backwards." The priest says, "You don't understand, son. I have thousands of children." Johnny says, "You should wear your fuckin' trousers backwards!"
