Should Have Written A Pre-Nup

Husband: "What would you like for your anniversary, Sylvia?"

Wife: "A divorce, Bernie."

Husband: "I wasn't planning on spending that much."

And that's when the fight started...

How do you know when your cat's done cleaning himself?

He's smoking a cigarette.

How did Burger King get Diary Queen Pregnant?

He forgot to wrap his whopper.

What's a man's idea of a balanced diet?

A beer in each hand.