Treat Her Right

The other day my wife asked me to talk to her like she was special.

So I said, "Gooooo ... maaaaake ... meeeee ... aaaaa ... cuuuuup ... offfff ... coffeeeee"

And that's when the fight started...

What'd the Polish guy say when he came home and found his best friend on top of his wife?

Down, Fido, down boy!

When's the best time to put out the cat?

When it's on fire.

Want to see flying saucers?

Head over to the all-night diner and grab the waitress by the ass.