Did you hear about the girl who had three chances to get pregnant?
Blew 'em all.
The other day my wife asked me to talk to her like she was special.
So I said, "Gooooo ... maaaaake ... meeeee ... aaaaa ... cuuuuup ... offfff ... coffeeeee"
And that's when the fight started...
Two gay guys live together. The first guy says, "Let's play hide and seek. I'll hide, and if you can find me, I'll blow you."
The second guy asks, "What if I can't find you?"
His roomy tells him, "I'll be behind the piano."
My wife told me I should be more affectionate.
So I told her I got a girlfriend.