Only Fools Fall In Love

My wife and I had our usual back and forth at breakfast when I finally said: "You know, I was a fool when I married you."

She replied, "Yes, dear, but I was in love and didn’t notice."

And that's when the fight started...

What is the difference between an oral thermometer and a rectal thermometer?

The taste. Ewww...

What do you do when your dishwasher stops working?

Slap her on the ass and tell her to get back to work.

Three little old ladies were sitting on a park bench feeding the pigeons when a guy in a raincoat walks up and flashes them.

Two of them had a stroke. The third one's arms were too short.