A husband asks his wife: "If I died, would you marry again?" The wife replies lovingly: "Oh darling, of course I wouldn’t. I’d go and live with my sister. And if I died, would you remarry?"
The husband looks at her and says: "No, I think I’d go and live with your sister too."
Guy walks in to a bar and orders a beer. Bartender says that'll be five bucks.
The guy is outraged. "Five bucks?" he says, "Why down the street the bar only charges a buck. And with every drink you get a lottery ticket to win free sex in the back."
The bartender looks at him and asks: "Did you ever win?" The guy says: "No... but my wife won three times."
A lady goes into a sporting goods store and tells the salesman, "I need a present for my son's birthday." The salesman suggests, "How about this skateboard?" She asks, "How much?" He says, "Forty-nine ninety-five." She says, "Too much." Then he suggests, "How about this baseball bat?" She asks, "How much?" He says, "Eight ninety-five." She says, "Great, I'll take it." He then asks, "You wanna ball for the bat?" She says, "No ... but I'll blow you for the skateboard."
