What Are You Doing Today?

Old Dick Johnson has some big plans for today, I'm gonna spend Valentines day with my ex...... box 360.

My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming anniversary.

She said, 'I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 200 in about 3 seconds."

So I bought her a scale.

And that's when the fight started...

How do you get your wife to stop sucking her thumb?

Draw a dick on it.

What's the difference between medium and rare?

6 inches is medium, 8 inches is rare.