What Are You Doing Today?

Old Dick Johnson has some big plans for today, I'm gonna spend Valentines day with my ex...... box 360.

What's the difference between zebras and female Marines?

Zebras don't have to suck anybody's dick to get their stripes.

Girl texts: "If you're sleeping, send your dreams ... if you're laughing, send your smile."

Boyfriend texts back: "Taking a shit... Please advise."

The difference between a redneck & poor white trash? Redneck knocks his sister up, white trash marries her.