What Are You Doing Today?

Old Dick Johnson has some big plans for today, I'm gonna spend Valentines day with my ex...... box 360.

How come during sex it's OK to say, 'Who's your daddy?,' but it's not OK to say, 'I love you, mommy'?

Before I left for work my wife told me she wasn't feeling well. I told her: "Don't worry honey, you're not really sick."

She asked: "How do you know?"

I told her: "Because I didn't have to carry you downstairs to make my breakfast."

And that's when the fight started.

Who's the world's greatest athlete?

The guy who finishes first and third in a masturbation contest.