What Are You Doing Today?

Old Dick Johnson has some big plans for today, I'm gonna spend Valentines day with my ex...... box 360.

What did the banana say to the vibrator?

Why are you shaking she's going to eat me.

What did one tampon say to the other?

Nothing. They were both stuck up bitches.

What's the difference between a pickpocket and a Peeping Tom? A pickpocket snatches watches.