What's the difference between a musician and a pizza?
A pizza can feed a family of four.
My girlfriend's dad asked me what I do.
Apparently, "your daughter" wasn't the right answer.
It's Valentine's day! So ladies, don't you worry about getting me what you got me last year.
I have enough restraining orders already.
I told my wife our credit cards were stolen, but I'm not reporting it.
She asked why not?
"Cause the thief spends less than you do."
And that's when the fight started...
