I just bought the latest sleep-number smart bed. It detects when you're screwing your wife, locks the front door and turns on the stereo so your neighbors can't hear you. My number is 69.
A plane is about to crash. A woman stands up and yells, "If I'm going to die, I want to die feeling like a woman. Who's going to be man enough to do it?"
A large man stands up and rips his shirt off, "Here! Iron this!"