Liberals vs. Conservatives

What's the difference between a conservative and a liberal?

A conservative is a liberal who's been mugged.

A cop pulls a guy over and gives him the breathalyzer test.

The cop is so shocked he says: "Jesus man... you are REALLY drunk."

The guy looks up and says; "Thank God. I thought my steering went out."

My wife kinda had second thoughts about the first sex video I had talked her into making, so she said she wanted it back.

I said, "OK, but you'll have to pay twenty bucks, just like everybody else."

And that's when the fight started...

You ever been by a place and thought "Man, if I went in there, I know I'd get laid." I get that feeling all the time - I live near a prison.