Why don't blind people skydive?
It scares the shit out of their dogs!
A lady was looking for a turkey but couldn't find one big enough. She asked the stock boy, "Do these turkeys get any bigger?"
The stock boy replied, "No. They're dead."
One night my wife asked me to take out the garbage.
I told her: "You cooked it, you take it out."
And that's when the fight started...
How do you stop a dog from humping your leg?
Pick him up and suck on his dick!
