What would you call a woman who always knows where her husband is?
A widow.
My dick is so big, I have to call it Mr. Dick in front of company.
I was in bed with this chick last night. She turned to me and whispered in a low, sexy voice: "I want tonight to be magical"
So I fucked her and disappeared.
Sally: "Let's play house."
Little Johnny: "What do I do?"
Sally: "Communicate your feelings."
Johnny: "How do I do that?"
Sally: "Perfect. You can be the husband!"
