What's the difference between a wife and a mistress?
Forty-five pounds.
I took my wife to a restaurant, and the waiter, for some reason, took my order first. "I'll have the strip steak, medium rare, please."
He said, "Aren't you worried about the mad cow?" "Nah" I told him, "she can order for herself."
And that's when the fight started...
When would you want a man's company?
When he owns it.
What do you call 8 days of blowjobs by candlelight?
Honica Lewinsky.
