A guy was fishing when he caught a magical crocodile. The crocodile spoke: "I am a magical crocodile. If you let me go I will grant you any wish you desire."
The man said, "Okay. I wish my balls could touch the ground."
A guy was walking around the office Christmas party belting down drink after drink. Each time he took a shot he reached into his shirt pocket, pulled something out, took a look, then stuck it back in his pocket. Finally, a friend walks up to him and asks: "Hey man. I've been watching you all night. What do you keep checking in your pocket?"
"That's a picture of my wife."
"So why do you keep looking at it?"
"Because," he replied: "When she finally starts looking good, then it's time to go home."
A man is having sex with a married woman when her husband comes home from work early. The man runs into the closet where he hears a little voice, "Sure is dark in here."
The man startled can only think to say, "Yes it is."
The boy's voice then says, "Wanna buy this baseball for $50?"
The man replies, "What? That's outrageous."
The boy says, "Or I can just show you my dad's shotgun."
To keep him quiet the man says: "Okay kid, here you go," as he hands the kid the money.
The next week the man is again making love to the same married woman and again her husband comes home early sending him to the closet. And the next thing he hears is the boy's voice, "It sure is dark in here... how about $1000 for the glove."
The man frustrated replies, "What?! That is completely ridiculous."
"Would you rather see the shotgun?" threatens the young man.
So the guy forks over the grand and takes the glove.
The next day the boy is complaining to his father that he sold his glove and ball and has nothing to play with. The father asked him, "What? How much you get?"
The boy replies, "$1050."
The father says, "You shouldn't take advantage of your friends like that! I'm taking you to church right now to confess."
At church the boy gets into the confessional box and says, "It sure is dark in here."
