What do you call hooker that likes it in the ass?
A crack whore.
Why are men like cars?
Because they always pull out before they check to see if anyone else is coming.
An old guy visits a doctor. The doctor examines him and then sits down in the office for a consultation on his diagnosis.
"Well..." the doctor begins, "I'm sorry to have to tell you this... but you have cancer and you have Alzheimers."
The old guy looks at the doctor for a moment then says: "Thank god I don't have cancer."
Guy goes to his boss and asks for a day off, proudly saying: "My wife's gonna have a baby!" The boss tells him of course you can take the day off.
Two days later the guy shows up for work and the boss asks him: "So... was it a boy or a girl."
The guy replies: "How do I know... it takes nine months!"
