Why'd the bride slide down the bannister on her honeymoon?
To warm up her husband's dinner.
What do you call a hooker with a runny nose?
Full.
My wife and I were sitting at breakfast having bacon and eggs. I told her: Darling, you're just like bacon... you look, smell and taste fantastic!"
Thanks she said... before I added: "And your both killing me slowly."
And that's when the fight started...
How can you tell when your girlfriend's getting really fat?
You start asking your wife for sex.
