A laugh a day. It's not hard. Seriously.

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Go F*ck Yourself

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Guy bought his wife a new coat and a dildo. Figured if she didn't like the coat, she could go fuck herself.

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Vacation Postcard

What'd the bi-polar write on the picture postcard?

"Having a wonderful time. Wish I were dead."

Best Way To Impress

HOW TO IMPRESS A WOMAN
Compliment her, cuddle her, kiss her, caress her, love her, stroke her, comfort her, protect her, hug her, wine and dine her, buy gifts for her, listen to her, respect her, stand by her, support her, go to the ends of the earth for her.

HOW TO IMPRESS A MAN
Arrive naked... with beer.

Excuses, Excuses

A guy woke up one day on Valentines day, he went to check the mail and saw there were no cards. He thought to himself, "Must be because there's no post on a Sunday..."

"Yeah, that's it...That's my excuse and I'm sticking to it!"