Mystery Shopper

A woman asks the pharmacist if he carries extra-large condoms. The pharmacist replies, "Yes, would you like to buy some?"

The woman says, "No, but do you mind if I stand here and wait for the next guy that buys a box?"

I told my wife I was so pleased she treated me like a God. She looked at me and asked, "What do you mean?"

I told her, "Every evening at dinner you give me a burnt offering."

And that's when the fight started...

Barking dog at the back door wanting in and your wife's yelling at the front wanting in. Which one do you let in?

The dog, once he's in, he shuts up!

"Was your car ride with Grandma fun?"

"No Grampa. We didn't see any assholes, dumb bastards or shitheads."