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A Snap Diagnosis

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Guy goes to psychiatrist wearing only saran wrap.

The doc tells him: "Well, I can clearly see your nuts."

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It Takes More Than One

After weeks without gettin' any I got really pissed off and asked my wife: "What has two arms, two legs, two boobs & sucks?"

Before she could even think of a reply I told her: "You and a vacuum cleaner."

And that's when the fight started...

Grandma Loves Playing the Slots

What has a whole bunch of little balls and screws old ladies?

Bingo night.

A Matter of Timing

I know I've been married too long. Last week I went to the doctor. He asked: "Have you had sex in the last seven days?" And I said: "No, my birthday's in April."