How do you get your wife to stop sucking her thumb?
Draw a dick on it.
Why was the nearsighted fly starving?
He couldn't see shit.
What's the hardest part about eating a vegetable?
Putting her back in the wheelchair when you're done.
(Hope that one wasn't too bad!)
Last night, I finally realized a longtime fantasy... I came all over my girlfriend's face.
Man, was she pissed when she woke up.
