How do you make your wife scream for an hour after sex?
Wipe your dick on the curtains.
My wife's losing weight now thanks to a weight loss club. She goes near the fridge, I hit her with the club.
Gal tells her friend, "I just read it's against the law to go topless in the New York subway."
Her friend says, "Thank God. It's bad enough when you catch your scarf in those doors."
My wife told me to go out and get something that makes her look sexy.
When I came back she asked what did I get. I told her I got drunk.
And that's when the fight started...
