A married couple goes to the same Italian restaurant every Sunday for 30 years. And every time they show up the owner says, "Hey! Its-a you two guys. You my favorite-a couple. You made-a for each other. You last-a so long. You meant-a to be!"
Then one Sunday the guy walks in alone. The owner says, "Whats-a happened?" The guy tells him, "We got a divorce."
The Italian guy says, "Oh, you much-a better off-a now."
A lady's sick of her husband's drinking, so she decides to teach him a lesson. She dresses up like Satan, and when her husband walks in from being out all night, she jumps out from behind the sofa and screams.
The guy looks at her and says, "You don't scare me. I'm married to your sister."