Is She A Slut Or A Bitch?

The difference between a slut & a bitch? A slut will screw anyone. A bitch will screw anyone but you.

What would you call a guy who jerks off during an earthquake?

Focused.

Toilet seat falls on kid's dick, runs to mom: Kiss it, make it better.

Mom: Every day more like your dad.

My dick is so big, it won't return Spielberg's calls.