Best If Used By

: Created: 30 April 2017; Hits: 1826

Wife asks her spouse: "What are you doing?" Her husband says: "Nothing." So she presses him: "Nothing...? You've been reading our marriage certificate for the last hour."

He tells her: "Well... yeah... I was looking for the expiration date."

And that's when the fight started...

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More Than He Bargained For

Guy walks into a bar carrying a pistol and shouts: "Which one of you assholes slept with my wife?"

A drunk sitting at the end of the bar shouts back: "You ain't got enough bullets buddy."

Just Doesn't Measure Up

My wife and I were on a road trip and I asked her to help navigate, So of course she couldn't quite figure out how to use the map. Frustrated I asked her, "Why can't women read maps?"

She snapped back, "Because only a man can relate to the concept of 1 inch equals a mile."

And that's when the fight started...

Be Careful What You Wish For

A couple comes up to a wishing well. The guy leans over, makes a wish, and throws in a penny. His wife decides to make a wish, too, but she leans over too far, falls into the well, and drowns.

The guy says, "Fuck...it works."