I turned my whole life around.
I used to be depressed and miserable. Now I'm miserable and depressed.
My dick is so big, it won't return Spielberg's calls.
Why is psychoanalysis faster for men than women?
When he has to go back to his childhood he's already there.
A lawyer asks his partner, "Are you fucking the new secretary?"
The partner tells him, "No."
So the first lawyer says, "Great! Then you fire her."
