Been A Long Time

I was thinking about when my girlfriend & I first met. I realized I've been going out with her for...

sex.

What did the fresh egg say to the boiling water when the farmer's wife dropped it in?

Don't expect me to get hard so fast... I just got laid by some chick a minute ago.

Teenage daughter after a movie: "Had to change my seat 3 times."

Mom: "Did someone harass you?"

"Finally!"

What's a man's idea of a balanced diet?

A beer in each hand.