Weight Watchers

My wife's losing weight now thanks to a weight loss club. She goes near the fridge, I hit her with the club.

Old Dick is always willing to help a guy score with a great pickup line. Here's one you can try:

"I'd like to point out that 'beautiful' has 'u' in it. But, 'quickie' has u & i together."

You're welcome.

How can you tell if a chick is too fat to screw?

You pull her pants down and her ass is still in 'em.

How do you know when you are getting old?

When you start having dry dreams and wet farts.