In the Spirit of the Season

Have you heard about the new line of tampons with bells and tinsel?

It's for the Christmas period.

Grandpa always told me don’t watch your money watch your health. So one day, while I'm watching my health, someone stole my money.

It was grandpa.

Bartender to pirate: Why the paper towel sticking out of your hat?

Pirate: Arrgh, Got a bounty on me head.

How is sex like credit?

It's the people who need it most who can't get any.