What's the difference between a new husband and a new dog?
After a year, the dog is still excited to see you.
Polar bear walks into a bar, asks for a gin........and tonic. Bartender asks: "Why the long pause?"
Wife asks her spouse: "What are you doing?" Her husband says: "Nothing." So she presses him: "Nothing...? You've been reading our marriage certificate for the last hour."
He tells her: "Well... yeah... I was looking for the expiration date."
And that's when the fight started...
How do you stop a dog from humping your leg?
Pick him up and suck on his dick!