What's the difference between a new husband and a new dog?
After a year, the dog is still excited to see you.
Dwarf to doctor: You're pretty busy. You treat dwarfs?
Doc: Yeah but you'll have to be a little patient.
Two rednecks are out fishing. The first one asks: "If I go to your house and fuck your wife and get her pregnant and she has a kid, would that make us kinfolk?"
The friend says: "Nope. That'd make us about even."
What makes a man think about a dinner by candlelight?
A power failure.