What's a man's idea of a balanced diet?
A beer in each hand.
Definition of love: Your heart melts and comes squirting out the end of your dick.
A man walks into the kitchen and finds his wife boiling eggs. She looks at him passionately, lays on the counter, and says, "Make love to me Randy!"
Not wanting to lose the chance he embraces her quickly and they make passionate love.
When they are finished he asks her, "What was that about?"
She replies, "The egg timer was broken."
Know when a man is well hung?
When you can barely slip a finger in between his neck & the noose.
