The only thing wrong with sex on television is that you could fall off.
What did the boy with no hands get for Christmas?
Gloves!
Just kidding, I don't know what he got, he hasn't opened it yet.
How do you know when your cat's done cleaning himself?
He's smoking a cigarette.
My wife wanted to be a little adventurous. She told me she was up for making a sex tape.
I said, "Great, we should hold auditions for your part."
And that's when the fight started...
