Where does a one-legged waitress work?
IHOP
What's her name?
Ilene
A guy is having dinner with his girlfriend at a restaurant when he suddenly gets down on one knee.
His surprised girlfriend begins to say: "This is so sudden..." When the guy interrupts: "Shhh... my wife just walked in!"
The difference between a whore & a bitch?
A whore fucks everyone at the party. The bitch? Everyone but you.
A bum walks up to a well-dressed woman shopping on Rodeo Drive and says: "I haven't eaten anything in four days!"
She looks back at him and says: "God I wish I had your will power."