What do you call a musician with no girlfriend?
Homeless.
What do you get when you cross a donkey with an onion?
A piece of ass that will bring tears to your eyes.
A girl walks into a bar and says to the bartender: "Give me a double entendre."
So he gave it to her.
I woke up this morning with a text that seemed to have been sent to me by accident. It read,
"Hi... be home soon. Love ya, Dave xxx"
Being Valentine's Day I thought I'd have a bit of fun so I texted the guy back:
"Don't bother, I don't love you. You're a son of a bitch and I've been banging your brother."
I couldn't wait for the reply, then it came:
"You OK mom?"
